Friday, December 16, 2011

My Untimely Demise: I've Always Wanted to be an Astronaut

The cold black atmosphere's nothingness
presses against my lungs; but I've been here before.
 It is not a welcoming place.  The sun is nothing but
 a small dot on the horizon, and your eyes are fading
 from my memory. I'm beginning to forgive you
 for your ignorance.

 Even though I can feel my life source leak from my suit,
 I can almost feel peace. You're doing what you were always
 going to, and still I'm lost in the universe.  I don't remember
what you smell like anymore and the sound of your voice slips
 from my mind  a little more everyday.

 My body is starting to shake and my trembling hands search
 for something to hold onto, but all they grasp is the nothing.
I remember when I first forgot you.  It was when I became
 friends with him, and he was so gentle. It makes me chuckle,
even in my inevitable end.  He's so much better than you'll ever be.

 Though he's learning about manhood, I know he'll be a great one.
My chest is starting to seize. The pain is unbearable.  I love the
softness of his voice, and his commanding attention. He'll never
 be as handsome as you, but maybe that's why I need him.

 My death is coming so slow, my patience is slipping. Something
just keeps whispering, "Hold on, he's coming." But I know he's not.
 He knows our love is forbidden.  And he's smarter than I am.
He'll listen to what I didn't. They won't cast him out.
You wish they would, don't you?

 My last breath fogs up the glass on my helmet,  and a tear
 rolls down my cheek. A final pain in my chest, oh it hurts so bad!
 My heart and mind are screaming his name.
 Another tear slips onto my cold cheek.

 The only thing that plagues my mind is you.
Why do you have this hold on me? I wished to die peacefully,
but you even had to take that.
 What's that? A shooting star? No. Too small,
and it's headed straight for my lifeless body.

It's starting to take shape in my eyes and realization comes to me.
It's him.  I shout at him, leave! Celestial tears pouring down
 my face, I don't want him to see me this way!
 Remember who I was! Please leave, I beg him.
 But he doesn't. 

My celestial being turns and hides its agony. If only
I couldn't feel his own.
I turn and see him, floating by my corpse. He's too late.

His gloved hands fumble with the clasp on my suit,
trying his hardest to get it open. I stifle a scream as
my golden hair spills out. He bows his head.  I can see
the drops landing in a small pool. His hands clench
a fistful of my hair as he pulls my small form into his arms.

 A plea of forgiveness comes from him.
He has to know it wasn't his fault!
 His body starts to twitch but he holds on
 to me steadfast; whispers of lost love tickle
my deaf ears softly.  My glowing form was invisible
 to his mortal eye but how I wished to feel his touch again!

My arms hug me as I fall to my knees.  I'm surrounded
 by rapturous light, and someone whispers, "You'll see him again."
 Jeering tears fall from my body in his hands,
and I'm becoming envious of my own lifeless remains.
 A wicked smile creeps on my cold lips,  I can feel insanity
 start to tantalize me again. As he looks up, my face is just as it was.
Not peaceful, not in agony. Just still. "Please don't go" he whispers.

Fierce determination takes over my mind and
I know I'll do whatever I must to get back to him.
With one last glance at the face I love so much,
I turn around and walk straight into the light,
not seeing him plunge the knife into his stomach...

I blame it all on you.

Your cowardice and weakness killed us both.
 Ex-lovers always do seek revenge.
You sick bastard.

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