Is it possible to be addicted to a
person? No, I'm not obsessed, well, maybe. But I haven't seen this one single person in weeks, and I'm being driven nuts. I keep dreaming about him, but I'm not day-dreaming. I mean, of course I day dream. BUT this is the real thing. The dreams that my subconscious comes up with to entertain me while I sleep. And I wanna cry. Because I don't see him everyday. Sometimes, I want to just walk up to him, just look at him, and I know I'd make it through the day. I wanna walk up and say, "I've changed. I'm not the slacker that left you over a month ago." But it's not true. I'm the same person, no wait.
That's not true either. I'm always changing, sometimes for the better, but nearly always for the worst.
I wish I was brave enough to just walk up to him, grab him, and kiss him. ACK! Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, and the love that I believe in doesn't exist anymore. The kind where you would cross oceans to see your love. Or the kind where you die for them, in hopes that they can live. The kind where you wake up every morning saying, "Ah! I get to see the love of my universe today." The kind that all you think of is ways to make them laugh, or picture their smile over and over again. And I've heard people say, "Everyone leaves eventually." But no, not if you keep the memories of them, then they never leave. You'll always have a piece of them. I know that, because I've experienced it.
I'm scared. (He's come knocking three times already.) It's five o'clock in the morning, and when he left after the third time, I locked my door. Such a piddley little thing between us. I know he could break it if he wanted to. I'm laying in bed, praying that he won't come back. I'm too scared, too vulnerable. My heart doesn't belong to him, and I would be betraying myself if I let anything happen. Maybe if he was E, then I wouldn't be able to control myself. Instead of saying, "Get out!" I would've said, "Lay down next to me." That's why I'm scared. That's why I'm sad.
