thoughts, thoughts, thoughts

This is kind of just to vent. Just maybe time will stop and look me in the eyes, concentrating hard on my soul.
I don't want a regular job. I don't want to get up at eight and come home at five. I don't want the average life. Adventure and the unknowing is a part of who I am, and I need that. I want to do astronomy but I'm afraid that I'm not smart enough to do physics or anything involving that sort of thing. Writing is a way, I suppose, I could live vicariously through others but I don't want to live like that. Adventure are a deep part of me, starting in the roots of my ancestors and I can't sit around and be a good little housewife or whatever I'm "supposed" to be. I need freedom.
and I want to be able to just get in the car and drive and drive. Not have any cares. I want to travel the world with my mother, who I want to be able to retire. I don't care if I have to take care of her, I'll live at home. I'm tired of seeing her work. I'm just so tired of the near-poverty that we live in. I want to be able to go to the store and be able to get everything we need and also what we'd like to have. I want to be able to provide. But it all contradicts my ideals of not being tied down and such. I don't know. I'm so confused.