January 26th, 2011

As I descend the stairs one by one, a thump enters my ears and the soles of my shoes. But only one thing plays over and over again in my hollow mind: you.

I slowly strip; as if to tease an audience. But as I look past my stage and into the darkness of my room, I find you not.

In here there lies no peace; nothing to stop this agony. No water quenches this thirst, no substance cures this hunger. No gigolo to appease my fancy.

I'm afraid that this will not stop until I have you. Even then, it might never stop.

My worst fear might be realized...
I'm alone.

My Sailing Days

Fog forms over the Mountains,
lying our heads on the rocks.
I'd whisper silently,
"I like you, I like you."
And you'd hear me...

You're five hundred miles away
right now,
And I'm thinking about your smile
right now
Oh how lovely you are

Sun rises over the ocean,
Jumping off the dock.
I'd look at you,
You'd look at me and
we'd feel like that was our destiny

You're five hundred miles away
right now,
And I'm thinking about your eyes
right now.
Oh how lovely you are...

The wind slaps at the sails,
You're looking for me,
You're calling for me,
But I am no where to be found...

You're five hundred miles away
right now,
And I'm thinking about your hands
right now.
Oh how lovely you are....

Separation leads to insanity
While arguments cause bitterness
We don't remember the joyfulness
of being together.
And baby, its killing' me.

You're five hundred miles away
right now,
And I'm thinking about your voice
right now,
Oh how lovely you are....

Pouring my heart out
You hug me
How I wanna tell you
I wish You love me
But you won't let that happen...

You're five hundred miles away right now
And I'm wishing you could be here somehow.
I'm missing your face, I'm missing your touch, oh so much and
you'll never know it....

Brief reunions on windy days.
We've changed so much but we're still the same.
We'll never forget how we looked that day, talking of days gone by.
I'll catch you looking at me, but I won't mind. But now...

You're five hundred miles away and I'm thinking about your laugh,
I'm thinking about your body right now. I'm thinking about you right now.

But that was five months ago and I'm nearly done.
You've changed too much for me and I'm not the same.
Maybe one day we'll reunite, but now I'm fine being alone.
Yes, I'm fine being alone.

Planets align.

Help me,
help me, I've been
Running out side again.

I've been trying', trying
to cry.

I've been dieing, dieing
inside.

Tell me how you feel....

Lying under the stars,
there's a magical thing,
bizarre.

There's a wonderland,
fairytale.

I've been waiting so long.

(Chorus){Help me,
Help me, I've been,
Running outside again.

I've been, trying, trying
to cry.

I've been dieing, dieing,
inside.
Tell me how you feel...]

Green Dresses, flowers, bouquets,
One smile, then we're gone.
Stars twinkle down,
Tell me why, why, why?

(Chorus)

There's an emptiness filling the air,
a coldness,
no time to prepare.
I'm sorry,
All I'm feeling is despair
I'm missing you so, oh, much....

(Chorus)

Roses, dead and decayed.
Reminding me so much that day,
When the sun hit your cheek just right,
There's nothing I'd rather say....

(Chorus)

I love you, I love you, I do.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, It's true.
Teardrops or raindrops will do
I swear my heart to you....

(Chorus)

A kiss goodbye,
one time.
A shatter, a break, collide.
I'll never get through...

(Chorus)

plausible

"Write about it." he says.

"But It's impossible to even write down how I feel about him. I couldn't put it into words..."

"You can. I've seen you do it." but then he walked away. He was showing me that he believed in me, like he did, over and over again.

He was tall and dark
The smile of an optimist
eyes of a tiger
A heart she wanted, needed maybe.

He saw her as someone to be taught; a pupil.

A short, chubby girl with sad beautiful eyes.
a beautiful smile.

he'd see her in the halls and speak.
hearts beating fast,
she'd try not to squeak.

She just wanted to know him.
to know his fears and dreams
his past, present, and future.

but he was twelve years older,

illegal as it was,
this love of hers,
she would gladly pay any
price for.

"But somethings, are just not possible."

Anything is possible.

12:12 AM January 5, 2010

Lying in the dark,
a tear escapes down her cheek,
but she flicked it away.

She was happy, wasn't she?

No one could know
about...
her secret ~pain~
"Just leave me alone" her mind screamed
"Please." She begged, as another tear slid away.

She felt stuck in reverse
lost in words

Why couldn't she be...normal?

"I am happy!" she pleaded
she would never tell anyone
she would fix herself.
It was a new year.
a new life.
A new her.

If only it were someone else.

I'm scared. (He's come knocking three times already.) It's five o'clock in the morning, and when he left after the third time, I locked my door. Such a piddley little thing between us. I know he could break it if he wanted to. I'm laying in bed, praying that he won't come back. I'm too scared, too vulnerable. My heart doesn't belong to him, and I would be betraying myself if I let anything happen. Maybe if he was E, then I wouldn't be able to control myself. Instead of saying, "Get out!" I would've said, "Lay down next to me." That's why I'm scared. That's why I'm sad.
But, Alas! Mother has come down stairs to insist them on to slumber. But I know he'll be back...I'm scared.

Unrequited Love?

Is it possible to be addicted to a person? No, I'm not obsessed, well, maybe. But I haven't seen this one single person in weeks, and I'm being driven nuts. I keep dreaming about him, but I'm not day-dreaming. I mean, of course I day dream. BUT this is the real thing. The dreams that my subconscious comes up with to entertain me while I sleep. And I wanna cry. Because I don't see him everyday. Sometimes, I want to just walk up to him, just look at him, and I know I'd make it through the day. I wanna walk up and say, "I've changed. I'm not the slacker that left you over a month ago." But it's not true. I'm the same person, no wait. That's not true either. I'm always changing, sometimes for the better, but nearly always for the worst.
I wish I was brave enough to just walk up to him, grab him, and kiss him. ACK! Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, and the love that I believe in doesn't exist anymore. The kind where you would cross oceans to see your love. Or the kind where you die for them, in hopes that they can live. The kind where you wake up every morning saying, "Ah! I get to see the love of my universe today." The kind that all you think of is ways to make them laugh, or picture their smile over and over again. And I've heard people say, "Everyone leaves eventually." But no, not if you keep the memories of them, then they never leave. You'll always have a piece of them. I know that, because I've experienced it.